if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I will die if light touches me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
