i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
