He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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