can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
