So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
