Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
