I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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