you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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