I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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