I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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