He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
