if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
