It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize