Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
