Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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