Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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