I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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