My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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