Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize