your thong is hanging out like whoa
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
What a dumb baby whore.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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