If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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