I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
worst night to have a conscience
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
