I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
don't judge my taste in strippers
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize