A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
