hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
