i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My nipple is on Facebook.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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