Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My breasts were aching with rage.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
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