I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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