Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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