im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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