So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
