forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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