North Korea, Best Korea!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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