my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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