I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
