her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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