just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
