This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
