Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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