Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
