Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
