I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
