Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
