Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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