If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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