I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
