Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize