If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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