this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize