So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
