I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize