I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
