Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
