yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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