I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
This is my life. Enjoy the view
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
