this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
