i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
