I can text with my tongue
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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