So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
