Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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