So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
