You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
