help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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