Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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