I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
