Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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