Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
