you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
