I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
