haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
