Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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