Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
