YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
