If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
