just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
