This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize