Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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