I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
