If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
